The Inner Ring

Tuesday morning is generally an early one for the freshmen of New Saint Andrews.  Not only is our first class at 8:30 a.m., but we have a Bible Study held by the president of the college, Dr. Merkle, at 8.  This past Tuesday, we discussed friendship, and the "Inner Ring."  It was fascinating.

What makes it so relatable is that we've all experienced it.  Whether we were in looking out, or outside looking in.

The Inner Ring can show up anywhere.  From the new job you landed to a new school you started attending.  There always seems to be that "elite" group of friends that you just can't seem to crack into.  That Hideous Strength by Lewis is a great example of this.  There, he puts into words what we have all felt, and we connect with the main couple through their struggles of wanting to be accepted.  Both Mark and Jane Studdock struggle with this in their own way. (If you haven't read this book, I would definitely add it to the Christmas wishlist.  Definitely a worthwhile read.)

I know I've struggled with the desire of being "accepted" as one of the cool kids.  In our many moves, we've made many friends, but there is one instance that stands out to me the most.  We moved to a new place, and while we were making friends, I pursued the friendships with the people that would garner me the label of "cool."   It's pathetic I know, but as time moved on, I finally saw how much of a shallow relationship that it was.  But only because my other relationships grew and deepened.  Those are the ones that obviously mattered, but in the moment, I was blind to it.

At first, it felt like this was a bit of a cliche talk.  Don't worry about being cool, just be yourself.  I feel that that is Disney's life motto.  But he went on to say something that struck a chord in me.  He pointed to John 15:13, "Greater love has no man than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." Friendship is not what you get out of the friendship, but what you are willing to give.  When you finally do make it into the Inner Ring, you seem to be there at the pleasure of whoever the "cool" person is.  But that isn't what we would call a friendship.  A friendship that exists solely because you interest and entertain the other person, or vice versa, isn't a friendship at all.

The real question that you should ask yourself is, "What are you willing to sacrifice?"  Instead of desperately seeking a friend, why not just focus on who you are, and what kind of friend you can be for someone else.  It seems like a foreign concept in today's culture, because we're always looking for something that will please and entertain us.  Including our friendships.  But true friendship is self-sacrificing.  It is putting someone else's needs before your own.  It is willing to lay down your life for those you love.

Stop desiring to be accepted into the cool clique.  Instead, desire to be a friend.  Desire to be there.  Desire to listen.  Desire to die to yourself.

Those will be the friendships that truly matter.