Sophmoronic Musings: Finding the Right Value to Survival

Last year, I roomed with three fellow freshmen.  Needless to say, we were all very excited about the upcoming school year.  We all got along very well and it didn't take people very long to give the four of us a nickname.  (Granted, showing up in matching outfits for the first day of class didn't exactly help that.)  But I distinctly remember us sitting down on day one, to make sure that we didn't form a clique.  We didn't really want to be known as that group of guys.  

And so, we made the effort to seek out other people in our class and be more intentional about hanging out with our fellow freshmen. But, something funny ended up happening about three weeks in.  Instead of hanging out with each other for fear that we would come across as a very exclusive group, we careened into the other ditch to the point where I felt like I hadn't gotten to know any of my roommates at all.  (We had decided to do this for a number of reasons, but I think that the biggest reason was that we had all experienced both sides of the coin.  We had known that invincible feeling of being included, and also felt that insufficient feeling of being excluded.)  But after last year, I think I might have found the middle ground.  I think the initial thought of trying not to exclude people was good, but what happened after that may have been worse than our initial proposition.  

Over these last couple of years, I have found that I really enjoy connecting with people and finding out about their story.  I like building solid friendships.  But I think I deceived myself into thinking that I was an extrovert at the beginning of last year, because I was so excited for this stage of my life to begin.  Then reality kicked in, and I just seemed to hit a social wall.  By fall break, my energy levels hit an all time low.  That is when I started to come to the conclusion that I would need a core group of friends.  

I guess I'm an ambiavert, but I've noticed that when I go to big parties, I gravitate toward smaller groups.  I find that when there is a large group conversation, it is hard to actually get to know someone despite being apart of the same group for three hours.  Don't get me wrong, I think there is a time and place for large class parties, but there isn't much time allotted for catching up with or getting to know a person at these gatherings.  

This and many other things brought my attention to the fact that having a group of friends that you can rely on, seek advice from, and rest with when life hits you hard, is very important.  I count myself a very wealthy man indeed with the friendships that have been forged over the last year or so.  Obviously, there is a balance.  And sometimes, you'll find a great group of friends, and then not want to meet other people, because it is uncomfortable.  I totally understand that.  I think I fall into that trap more often than not. But it is something I'm working on.  Lewis put it very well when he said: "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, it has no survival value.  Rather it is one of those things which gives value to survival." 

Here is to finding the right value to survival.